


I think I'll always wait for you to come home

by luciditylost



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dream is mentioned too, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, he do be living rent free in their heads, sleepyboisinc plus tommy RIGHTS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25750825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luciditylost/pseuds/luciditylost
Summary: The teams for Minecraft Championship 8 are announced. Wilbur, Phil, and Techno had already been warned that they wouldn't be allowed to team again.So why does it still hurt so much?Something is missing, without Techno. Something that none of them knew they took for granted until it was gone.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 114
Kudos: 1051





	1. i hate to see you leaving

Wilbur thought that he may spend too much time thinking.

He sat in front of his laptop, Discord open in case anybody wanted to talk to him. Nobody did. Phil might make a group for the next Minecraft Championships soon, but that was really up to him, and clearly he didn’t feel like doing it. Considering the fact that a certain loud 16-year-old was on their team, Wilbur didn’t blame him.

Wilbur snorted to himself. “Fucking Tommy, man. We’re not going to talk at all before the competition because of him.”

Usually, Wilbur would make the groupchat himself and open it with a joke to ease tensions. Battling for victory was fun, but Wilbur had always preferred to focus on messing around. Plus, it was a good way to start the conversation with his team, because everyone else always seemed ready to fight right away. It figures, they were definitely all inspired by-

Well.

Maybe there was another reason that nobody wanted to make the groupchat, someone who was on their minds other than Tommy.

Wilbur thought that maybe he should have actually skipped this round of the Championships, but he had wanted the chance to play with his friends. He had been too hopeful, probably. He knew that Techno wouldn’t put his name down this time, because he had predicted it himself at the end of the last round. And yet Wilbur still joined, still wrote Technoblade and Phil and Tommy down as his choices.

At least Phil and Tommy were still here for him. And he loved them, really he did. He loved the dynamic, he loved Tommy’s posturing and Phil’s easy laughter.

But usually, there was somebody else with them to help make the jokes.

Wilbur found Techno’s name on his friends list. The familiar pig icon was marked with Do not Disturb. It had been like that every time Wilbur checked, ever since the teams were announced.

Wilbur checked more often than he would care to admit.

After all, what else was there to do?

Yet again, Wilbur wondered what Techno could be doing. Was he recording with Dream, or just talking with him? Was he obsessively filling documents with strategies that would help him outplay Dream and take his spot as unofficial team leader?

_Doesn’t he know that we’ll let him be team leader every time?_

Now, probably, Phil would take the leadership role. Wilbur tried to focus on that. That was a good thing to come out of all of this, because Phil was fun to be around and would never call with no warning at 3AM to practice a new strategy. Maybe Tommy would try to stage a coup without his admiration of Techno holding him back. If that happened, Wilbur would probably end up egging Tommy on. He always liked when there was some minor crime in his vicinity.

Wilbur tried to imagine Phil’s laughter and his exasperated sigh, or Tommy’s loud shouts and cheers. He told himself that this time he could be the one to make sarcastic comments, and Tommy could really show off how good he was at PvP. Together, he and Tommy were almost one Technoblade, right? If looked at a certain way, at least?

He dropped the thought almost instantly, and berated himself for even letting that cross his mind. He had been half-joking, but that wasn’t an excuse. This was nothing to joke about.

Plus, he didn’t know why he had tried to joke in the first place. He wasn’t in the mood.

Instead, he let his thoughts wander between memories. He thought of the list he had made of one-liners to say the next time that Techno woke his team up at some ungodly hour. He thought of the Sleepy Bois group chat, where Techno hadn’t started a conversation in longer than Wilbur could bother to keep track of. He thought of months and months of potato farming, when he, Phil, and Techno would mess around for hours in voice chat, but Techno would never respond to the DMs that either sent. After all, typing took time away from his end goals. Wilbur and Phil had made fun of him for that, but there was always a silent understanding that once he hit 500 million potatoes, Techno would grow less distant and things would be back to normal.

Wilbur picked up his guitar and began quietly strumming, creating chord progressions that he would never sing along to.

What was normal, now?

After the end of the last Championships, after they lost, Techno had been comforted by Wilbur, Phil, and Callum, until he suddenly left their voice channel to talk to Dream. Wilbur couldn’t even remember the last thing that he had said to them that night, but it certainly wasn’t goodbye. It was probably something about clout, something about Dream being on.

Dream took priority, Wilbur supposed. It was something that he had been trying to come to terms with ever since that day.

Wilbur had watched Techno and Dream’s conversation after he ended his own stream. The two got along well. Techno didn’t seem overwhelmingly nervous around Dream and his friends, which was surprising considering Dream’s reputation and Techno’s anxiety.

Wilbur and Phil used to help him with social situations. Other people could make Techno so nervous that he dropped his character entirely, or leaned into it until it became uncomfortable to watch. But Wilbur would hype him up and make jokes that helped him take his mind off of the situation, and Phil would laugh hard at every sarcastic comment Techno made until it was impossible to stay nervous. The three of them got used to facing the world together.

When he talked with Dream after the tournament, Techno had seemed so… at ease. He was confident and funny. He didn’t need any help at all.

Wilbur wondered if he had taught Techno to do that. He probably played at least a part in making Techno more comfortable with others. Without knowing it, Wilbur had been preparing his friend to continue on by himself.

He would do it again, he decided. He was proud of what he had accomplished just by being an accepting, stable person for Techno to turn to. His friend deserved this success more than anyone else Wilbur could think of, and if that success left Wilbur behind, then so be it.

He would never stop hoping for Techno to come back to their little family unchanged, though. Wilbur knew himself well enough to recognize that much. Even if it eventually became impossible, he would still hope.

A notification sounded on Wilbur’s computer. He looked up from his guitar to see that a new groupchat had been created with him, Phil, Tommy, and Joel. Tommy had made it, and opened with a comment about how excited he was to “lead his team to glorious victory”. When Phil reminded Tommy that the Championships were mostly about having fun instead of starting wars, Tommy shot back that he had, in fact, killed Dream before, and it had been very impressive.

Despite his reflective mood, Wilbur laughed, burying his head in his hands to stop himself from leaning out of his chair. He knew that Phil was laughing just as hard. There were many ways that he could respond to Tommy’s last message, but calling him a child would be the easiest and also frustrate him the most, so Wilbur did.

The four of them talked with each other all night, even after Tommy had to fake going to bed and wouldn’t stop complaining about how he was typing in the dark under his covers. Of course, he blamed Wilbur, Phil, and Joel for this injustice, and of course that was more than enough of an excuse for them to tease him even more. None of them mentioned that there was someone else who always loved to make fun of Tommy, someone who always seemed to appear at the mere mention of Tommy’s name to throw a quip. This time, nobody appeared.

At first, Wilbur thought that everyone else was having too much fun to think about Techno, but the longer the discussion went on, the more clear it became that they were avoiding the topic on purpose. Even when they discussed the event, the four of them danced around Techno’s name. Wilbur knew that the charade may be for his sake, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to bring Techno up first, even if that meant that the obvious was never addressed.

Plus, in the moment, it was hard to ignore how amazing it was to talk with his friends. Even without Techno, Phil’s laughter was contagious, and Tommy was funnier than Wilbur thought a 16-year-old could be capable of. He realized that he didn’t regret signing up for the tournament again at all, even if the team formation hadn’t gone exactly as he had hoped. He would have an excuse to call two of his closest friends every night for the next two weeks and play Minecraft with them. What more could he possibly want?

Techno’s icon stayed on Do Not Disturb all night and into the next morning. Wilbur didn’t let himself think about how many times he checked.


	2. treating my memory of you like a fire

Phil thought that he may spend too much time streaming.

Of course, his streams were the highlight of his day. He would never stop being grateful that he got to make money by spending hours just hanging out with fans, making memes and laughing about life. Streams were especially fun when he was in a good mood, and his fans decided to take pity on him by not redeeming too many ear checks and fishing breaks.

The issues arose when he wasn’t in a good mood. Phil knew that, other than dying that one time, he was most known for his sense of humor, openness, and lighthearted content. That was a wonderful character to play most of the time, but sometimes it was impossible to be both open and lighthearted.

Lately, Phil had rarely been in a good mood.

He had mostly avoided talking about the things that he thought about. Talking about current events was good, and when his audience was being the chaotic little shits that they always were, Phil found it easy to settle into the same old routines. He worked on projects in his hardcore world and responded to every single donation that he got.

He tried not to mention the sleepy bois unless Wilbur was watching his stream, and when he was, he tried not to mention one specific sleepy boy. He tried not to talk about Minecraft Championships or about the failed SMP project that both he and Wilbur used to allude to.

His chat wasn’t dumb. Unless he constantly distracted them, they would catch on to the things that he made a point to move on from as quickly as possible.

_will you still do stuff with sbi?_

Phil laughed. “Um, yeah, I really fucking hope we will. Guys, we’re still friends, don’t panic just because we won’t be a team for one Minecraft competition.”

Sad reaction emotes filled the chat. Phil hoped that they were just being dramatic. He hoped that they couldn’t tell that Phil had the same question on his mind late at night.

“Yeah, me too. Sadge. Big fucking sadge. But I’m sure there’ll be more streams with them very soon. Especially Wilbur! Can’t believe that I’ll be meeting the guy soon.” Phil laughed. “It’ll be goddamn chaos, I’ll have so many stories to tell you guys afterwards!”

Thankfully, Wilbur wasn’t watching that day. Sometimes when he was, he would let it slip how long it had been since Techno had talked with them. The two of them would play it off as a joke, Phil especially, and his audience wouldn’t go any further than panicking for a little while on Twitter. Still, it was better for everyone if the third member of their trio was only noticed by his absence.

Absences were harder to make comments on Twitter about. From any reasonable distance, an absence could go almost entirely unnoticed. It could slip through the cracks.

Once you were close to it, of course, it was everywhere.

Phil talked about nothing in particular for the rest of his stream.

Once he had sent his viewers off, he considered going onto Tommy’s stream and messing around. He always liked to watch the 16-year-old start things that he couldn’t finish, and making fun of him for it was a time-honored tradition at this point.

After only a few seconds, Phil decided against it. He felt like he’d spent enough time on Twitch for the time being, and besides, making fun of Tommy was mostly Wilbur’s thing. Phil didn’t enjoy doing it nearly as much, especially since he had never really gotten used to doing it alone. There had always been someone else besides him, a person who was more clever and more willing to be brutal in their insults than Phil would ever feel comfortable with.

It was far harder to make jokes without the assistance that Phil had let himself grow used to.

Phil had noticed that Tommy didn’t talk about Techno much anymore, either. His beloved clickbait had shifted to Dream, and when Tommy’s chat spammed Techno’s name during intense battle, Tommy ignored his audience more studiously than even Phil did.

It was the sort of thing that would be easy to write off as Tommy being distracted, but Phil couldn’t exactly do that. After all, he was doing the same thing, simply in a way that he could play off as part of his own character.

Phil closed Twitch and opened Discord. He wanted nothing more than to joke around with Wilbur, other than maybe to go to watch some anime. It had been a long stream, and either would be distracting enough that he could keep his mood up for another few hours.

Instead, he checked on Techno’s Discord icon. It was the same happy pig as it had always been, and at this point it would have looked unfamiliar without the Do not Disturb marker.

Phil considered sending him a message despite the warning to the contrary. Maybe he’d get a response if he took initiative. He tried typing out several variations on ‘how are you? we haven’t talked in a while’, but none of them felt right. They were all too casual, too fake.

Eventually, he gave up.

_hey, man, can we vc about something? sorry_

It was a message from Wilbur. Phil quickly typed a response before starting a call.

_course. i’m always happy to talk to you_

Wilbur picked up right away, his greeting quiet. “Hey, thanks for doing this.”

Phil smiled. “Yeah, of course. What’s going on?”

They both knew what was going on.

Phil still had to pay close attention to hear Wilbur’s voice, but he talked quickly now, his words almost tumbling over each other. “I’ll try to make it quick, I know you’ve got, like. A life, or whatever. Something like that. But, um. Mostly I just wanted to hear someone, honestly, really badly, and-”

“Wilbur, it’s fine. Calm down, for a bit?”

Phil could hear Wilbur let out a breath. “Yeah, okay. I will.” There was a moment of silence. “I just. Wish he’d fucking _say something_ to us, you know?”

Phil laughed, but it was hollow. “Yeah. Don’t we all.”

Wilbur made no effort to respond. Phil could hear his breathing on the other end of the call. He was probably just lost in thought, but Phil couldn’t help but be worried. It hurt that he couldn’t give Wilbur what he needed, this time. He couldn’t make Techno talk to them again, even if he tried. Phil knew as well as anyone that no single human on the planet could pull Techno apart from a project that he had thrown himself into.

But if Phil could say anything to help Wilbur, that would be worth it, so he broke the silence.

“Listen, mate. I won’t tell you that he’ll be back. That’s not something that I can choose. But if there’s one thing I fucking know, Wilbur, it’s that I will be here, no matter what. If you want me to listen to you think for an hour, I can. If you want to mess around, we can do that too. But I will be here, every damn time you need me.”

Wilbur’s response was quiet. “Thanks.”

“Hey, no problem.” Phil paused, but once again, Wilbur let the conversation lapse into silence. Phil’s next sentence was almost a whisper. “I miss him too, you know.”

“I know.” Phil could hear Wilbur move his chair against the wall. “Sorry, Phil, but I think that I might need to be alone for now. It was nice to hear your voice, but I think that I just need some time to think, you know?”

“I know, yeah. Message me whenever you need to, ‘kay?”

“I will. Thanks again, Phil.”

And then he was alone. Phil knew that he would only need to open his door to be with Kristen and put aside the emptiness for the time being, but he decided not to for a few minutes. Instead, he stayed in front of his computer, only keeping it on in order to check for a message from Wilbur.

None came in. Although they had just talked, Phil was worried. He told himself that it wasn’t his job or his place to keep Wilbur’s head above the water and that he had done all that he could, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of responsibility. After receiving a certain number of drunk texts for help, that feeling seemed to make itself permanent in a person.

Techno had never texted him drunk, or called to tell him his feelings at insane hours. Some of that probably had to do with the fact that Techno couldn’t legally drink yet and lived so far away, and the rest of it was because that was just who Techno was. When he and Phil talked, Techno always tried to make Phil laugh as much as possible, and he could be a good listener if you were willing to hear the occasional sarcastic comment, but he rarely talked about his own life in any depth. Despite all of the joking around that the two of them did, and despite the lengths that Techno would go to in order to defend him, Phil felt a distance between the two of them that didn’t exist with Wilbur or Tommy. Phil knew on some level that Techno was like that with everyone, but the empty spaces in their relationship still haunted him late at night.

What if something had been going on in his life that Techno didn’t feel comfortable mentioning? What if he needed help but Phil wasn’t there to give it, because he didn’t notice? Phil wasn’t sure that he’d be able to forgive himself if that was the case. If it was, then he had failed. If it was, and Wilbur and Tommy still relied on him, then he might fail again, and he couldn’t ever let himself fail again.

Maybe then they could always stay this close, a group of three who all felt the same empty spaces in their hearts, and in spite of everything they would laugh with each other on the good days forever.

Phil checked Discord once again, just in case Wilbur had needed to message him for any reason. To his surprise, he had.

_i’m doing kinda better now. thanks so much for putting up with my mess, it really helped_

Phil smiled, genuinely happy for the first time since he had ended his stream, as he wrote his response. _i stand by what i said on call. don’t you dare ever try to convince me that you’re hard to deal with, i will not believe your lies_

Wilbur trusted him, and Tommy trusted him. Techno had almost certainly trusted him, too, as much as he ever could. Maybe he still did. Phil had to believe that he still did, if he wanted to be able to fall asleep at night.

Phil got a new message from Wilbur within a minute. _it all applies to you, too, you know? if you ever need to talk, just call me. i’ll be here. you don’t ever need to keep things from me just because you think that it helps me, because nothing will ever help me as much as my friends being happy_

Phil had to resist the urge to call Wilbur right then. He wanted to work through everything with him, but he wasn’t even sure exactly what he was feeling yet, and he knew that he had to figure that bit out before any more progress could be made. Plus, he was tired, and he knew that Wilbur must be too.

Instead, Phil said his goodnight to Wilbur and turned off his computer. He could hear Kristen in another room, and he was eager to spend as much time with her as possible. 

One day, though, he would take Wilbur up on his offer and talk about everything for a little while. Wilbur had never been anything but supportive, and Phil knew that there was much, much more to be said.

After all, it didn’t escape his notice that Wilbur hadn’t mentioned Techno by name for their entire conversation.

He had to think for a few minutes longer to realize that he hadn’t, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entire fandom: *sees Phil* oh, look, a struggling father
> 
> Anyways, I'm not as happy with this chapter (I don't think that my dialogue is that good) but I hope that you still enjoyed it!


	3. it all leads back to you

Tommy thought that he may spend too much time on Twitter.

He idly scrolled through his timeline, looking for someone to respond to. He thought of himself as rather good at Twitter, maybe even one of the best! Twitter was a good place for people who knew their personas, and the character limit meant that there wasn’t time for a bit to get tiresome and annoying (well, more annoying than he usually planned for his bits to be), which was the main thing that Wilbur was always getting disappointed at him about. That made Twitter the perfect platform for him, and who cared if he obsessively responded to every single tweet that crossed his timeline? It was, objectively, very funny.

Everything on Twitter was funny, that was all that it was good for. That was why Tommy fit in there so well.

And if he replied especially quickly to tweets that one certain person made, what did that matter? Nobody would even notice, which meant that certainly nobody was allowed to _say_ anything about it.

Plus, that one specific person barely ever tweeted. You couldn’t blame Tommy for being excited at any opportunity for personal contact.

Wilbur and Phil would tell him to stop thinking that way about Twitter. They would try to gently explain to him that contact needed to be mutual, and since Techno never replied to Tommy, that it didn’t count.

Wilbur and Phil weren’t here. They weren’t inside his head. It _was_ contact, it _had to be_ contact, because if contact had to go both ways then there was no contact between him and Techno. None at all.

Tommy sighed and closed the Twitter app. It wasn’t like there was anything for him to respond to anyways.

Tommy’s phone was full of things that he wanted to remember. He had hundreds of reaction images downloaded and funny quotes written in his notepad app. His most prized possession on his phone, though, was one particular screenshot. He treated it like most of his prized possessions, which is to say that he looked at it all the time, but only when nobody else was around to see him do so. Tommy had bragged to everyone of its existence, even his stream viewers, but only his most trusted friends knew how much it really meant to him.

It was just a tweet.

But it was everything.

At this point, Tommy could recite it by heart. He had gotten into the habit of muttering it under his breath when there were people around that made it impossible to look at the screenshot.

On August 2, 2020, at 3:07 PM exactly, a tweet from Technoblade. “im watching his stream. when did he become an alpha male what is this”.

In reference to him! Tommyinnit!

The first time Tommy had seen it was on stream, and he had been so excited that he almost threw his chair. He had screamed and jumped around without really realizing what he was doing.

The next time that he looked at it, Tommy’s response had been quieter. He sat staring at the tweet for a long, long time, waiting for it to disappear as he turned his phone on and off. He thought that he should probably be running around the room or something, but he was strangely unable to move.

Tommy didn’t feel quite like the compliment was meant for _him_. Looking at the tweet on stream, of course it was! He had been alpha, he had been fucking hilarious! But things were different when he was sitting on his bed by himself.

Tommy could become his persona without even taking a breath. He knew exactly how it felt on him, and exactly how he felt without it. When he talked with his friends on Discord, he could feel the empty spaces where his characteristic pride would live, if he let it.

He never let it when he wasn’t being funny.

Techno used to compliment him when he wasn’t being funny.

Tommy resolved to stream more, for longer periods of time. He would push his bits even more, make his persona even more clear. He would act until he could feel Techno’s words sink into his skin so deep that they stayed there after the act ended.

It made Wilbur nervous, to talk about drugs with a 16-year-old. It made Tubbo sad, to watch Tommy mess up the quiz he spent hours on.

Tommy brushed everything off. Who cared? It was funny.

If he wasn’t being funny, what point was there in having an audience?

Tommy opened up Discord, where he only rarely swore at his friends. He checked the groupchat for his MCC team first, just in case any practices had been planned, but his teammates seemed to just be joking around. He would return to them later. First, he had two other very important people to message.

When Dream gave Tommy his number, he told Tommy to “only call me if you pull so much absolute bullsit on my server that I have to roll it back”, so Tommy still messaged him on Discord most of the time. It was good to be polite to the person who had the power to block you from the place where you made most of your content.

The message to Dream was quick, just running some things by him that Tommy wanted to try on the server. He never liked going so far that he actually upset people, and he’d found that he could get away with a lot more if he asked permission first.

Tommy considered making the message longer. Wilbur and Phil were open with him that they hadn’t talked with Techno in a long time, though they wouldn’t tell him exactly how long. Tommy wasn’t sure if they knew, themselves, although he thought that at least one of them probably kept track. Through necessity if nothing else, Dream had talked to Techno more recently than any of his other friends.

Tommy almost asked. He typed out simple questions, like wondering if Techno was okay and if he and Dream were getting along.

He almost asked, until he realized that he didn’t really care about the answers. Anything that Dream said would just make Tommy’s other questions grow louder in his brain. Questions that he couldn’t ever ask anyone, so it was better if they stayed quiet.

He tried not to let himself hear them at all. He tried to keep the shape of them in some corner of his brain, so that the words didn’t come to the surface when he didn’t want them to.

_Do you miss us, Techno? Do you miss me?_

_Why were you really making fun of me all the time?_

_Did you ever like me at all?_

There was only one message left to send before Tommy could talk with Wilbur and Phil again. He promised himself that this time he wouldn’t wait for a response once he sent it.

Tommy knew exactly how his friends would react if he let them know that he still messaged Techno. Wilbur would say his name quietly, with one of those little sighs that he was so good at. Phil would say something cautiously optimistic, asking if Techno had ever responded, and when Tommy let slip that he hadn’t he would try to tell Tommy that what he was doing would only hurt him.

Tommy didn’t care. He wished that he did, because Wilbur and Phil were his friends, and they were probably even right.

But for a while, Techno had been his friend too. Tommy wouldn’t let him slip away easily, even if it would be the best for his own sanity. He was too stubborn for that.

Tommy didn’t know what to send. A week or two ago, his messages had been so honest that they hurt. He wrote them without even thinking about his persona, because he always dropped his persona around his friends.

Reading them back now, he cringed. They were painfully desperate. They let Techno know exactly what he was thinking.

Now, Tommy had other things to consider. He had The Tweet, which was proof that Techno liked him when he was in-character. That was more validation that Tommy had gotten when he was being himself.

_techno, my man! i know that you’ve been scared to message me because i’m so Cool and Strong and will beat you in minecraft championships, but you really should not be. you should message me instead, i will be Very Nice and not even make fun of you that much_

It felt fake. It was the sort of thing that Tommy should be tweeting out, not sending in a private message.

Tommy sent it anyway. After all, nothing else had worked. Being himself (or, at least, the part of himself that he hadn’t come up with on purpose) had failed.

Despite what he had told himself, Tommy waited for a response for a few minutes.

He felt faker than the message that he had just sent.

He wanted to be better at being himself. He wanted to be better at being TommyInnit.

He wanted to be neither. For just one night, he wanted to stop _thinking so hard_ about who he should be.

He used to not think at all about who he should be. When he started streaming, he just wanted to be as funny as possible. He barely noticed as he created a persona so separate from him that the two of them would never be able to exist at the same time.

Then Techno came along, with his sharp sarcasm and his monotone voice. Then Wilbur and Phil showed up, willing to laugh at Tommy as he screamed.

The dynamic had been perfect, hadn’t it?

Maybe he had messed everything up by acting so differently off-stream. Maybe that was the beginning of the end. There was really no way to know, because the three of them had always been so _nice_ to him and there was no way that they would have told him that they secretly liked his persona better and now Techno wouldn’t even answer if he asked.

Techno didn’t respond to his message. Tommy had known that he wouldn't.

He used to believe that Techno wasn’t ignoring him on purpose. Maybe he was just busy, in the way that only Techno got busy, where every person that wasn’t integral to his master plan ceased to exist.

As the days turned into weeks, and Tommy’s daily messages kept being met with silence, Tommy stopped believing that. He wished that he still could.

Tommy sighed. It was time to talk to Wilbur and Phil. He had already broken his promise to himself and put off talking to them for longer than he should.

The two of them were already in a call. Tommy joined without asking. A few months ago, he would have gotten permission first, but sometime between when Techno left and now Phil had told him not to.

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird that you’re more concerned about randomly joining calls off-stream than when you’re literally being recorded,” Wilbur had added.

Tommy had spluttered out a response about his persona and about politeness, but he had stopped asking them if they wanted him there.

As soon as he joined, Wilbur and Phil stopped their previous conversation to greet him. They both sounded a little rushed to do so. Tommy vaguely wondered what they had been talking about, but he didn’t press the matter.

Phil quickly steered the conversation in a lighthearted direction, and Wilbur jumped right into making jokes. Tommy wanted to join in, but instead he found himself just listening to them.

The two of them didn’t seem like they were waiting for him to talk. There were no empty spaces in their conversation. Tommy could have joined in at basically any time, he knew, but there was nothing that he _needed_ to do.

He felt useless. He hoped that the two of them would notice his silence, but they seemed to enjoy talking without him. That made Tommy want to join in even less, so he just sat there. He considered leaving, even though he knew that it would be petty.

He didn’t know what else to do.

Eventually, Wilbur paused before making an obvious joke. Tommy usually would have jumped in first and stolen it from him. When he didn’t, Tommy could tell that Wilbur was thrown off.

“Hey, Tommy, are you okay? Is something going on?”

Tommy almost smiled. Wilbur could be direct, when he wanted to be.

It turned out, Phil could be exactly as direct. “Yeah, hang on, you’ve been really fucking quiet today. Have you even talked once since you got on?”

“That’s not very like you, usually you’re far more annoying than this. Are you planning something, TommyInnit?”

Tommy knew that he could respond to Wilbur’s last comment instead of his first one. He could make everything into a joke. It was one of the things that he was best at.

He didn’t want to.

Even though it felt like a risk, Tommy didn’t even try to avoid saying what he was thinking. “If you guys don’t want me here, you can just tell me. If you only want to talk with me on streams and for bits, you just have to let me know. I know that I’m— I’m, well, I’m a child, and I’m always loud, and—”

“Tommy.” Tommy couldn’t quite tell what Phil’s voice sounded like. It was somewhere between sad and disappointed, but with no venom behind it. “Do you really think that we’d let you come into our call without asking if we didn’t like to talk to you?”

“I mean, maybe you felt forced to, because we work well together on stream. I’m just saying that I would understand if you didn’t, I know that I’m a totally different person off stream.”

Wilbur waited for Tommy to finish his sentence before talking, but Tommy still felt a bit like he had been interrupted. “Tommy, listen to me. You’ve clearly been thinking about this a lot, so if you want to say more you can afterwards, but first I want to tell you something. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in character or not, because Phil and I like to talk with you. You’re a good person and you’re funny, whether you’re on stream. Don’t ever feel like you shouldn’t be talking to us about anything, because we both just love to be around you.”

“We really do,” Phil added. “You don’t have to feel guilty for being yourself.” 

Tommy took a deep breath and let himself smile. “Thank you.”

Tommy thought that Wilbur and Phil would move on now, and go back to telling jokes. Wilbur proved him wrong. “May I ask why this is coming up now? Because if someone made you feel like this, I will fucking destroy them.”

“Will! Could you at least pretend that you would talk to them first?”

“You know what? I don’t particularly feel like doing that, Phil.”

Phil didn’t offer a response. Tommy figured that it was probably his turn to do so.

“Just Techno,” he said as quietly as possible, although he knew that none of them would be surprised by his answer.

Wilbur sighed. “Well, the good news is that I was planning on destroying him anyways.” There was just a little too much bitterness behind it for Tommy to press any further.

Tommy still responded quietly, but the mood had changed just enough for him to make a joke without it feeling fake. “PogChamp!”

“TommyInnit, I take everything back. Leave the call right now.”

Well, at least Wilbur didn’t call him _child_ this time. He was still being nice.

Phil laughed. That made Tommy and Wilbur laugh, too.

Tommy didn’t leave the call until his mother yelled at him to go to bed. He joined in with a joke when he wanted to, but he also spent time letting the conversation flow around him without forcing himself to be a central part of it. It was more relaxing than he had expected.

Talking to Wilbur and Phil without checking for a response from Techno every five minutes felt like a betrayal, but it was a betrayal that Tommy could get used to making. It was one that he would be willing to make until it stopped hurting.

Tommy knew that he would still send Techno another message tomorrow. Maybe, though, he could stop ignoring the rest of the world to wait for a response that wouldn’t come.

At the very least, he could wait for just five minutes instead of his whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The worst part about writing Tommy angst is that I hate to see Tommy sad, but the second worst part is that I can't make him call anyone a bitch without it ruining the vibe


	4. i think this time i'm dying

Techno thought that he may spend too much time plotting.

Actually, that was a lie. He knew that, in most cases, the sheer amount of _planning_ he did was absolutely necessary, and that was even more true this particular time. After all, it was Dream that he was dealing with, maybe the only other person on the planet who was willing to think as much as Techno about Minecraft strategy.

Of course, that just meant that Techno had to work twice as hard. He knew that Dream would take any opportunity that he saw, no matter how small, to edge him out as the dominant force in their team.

Techno wanted to scream. Why had he agreed to this?

He didn’t scream. Instead, he reviewed his pages of documents over and over again, reminding himself of how thoroughly he had planned for the first voice call with his new team. If anything went wrong, it would not be his fault.

His three teammates were already in the call. Techno knew that he should probably join, too. After all, he had insisted on rescheduling once already (he needed a few extra hours to put the final touches on his documents), so he should be prepared to jump in. He had no excuses, really.

Techno moved his mouse so that the cursor hovered over the button that would throw him into their call. He told himself sternly to click it, to just press down once.

He realized that he had not prepared enough. His plots weren’t even the main issue. The call was the main issue.

He should have seen this coming.

He should have texted Dream and asked how in character everyone would be for the call. What if one of them was recording for a video? Then he had to play his character. But what if nobody was, and then playing his character would just make him look like an arrogant jerk who didn’t really want to get to know his teammates? Plus, would they be upset at him for making an entire document without them? Probably at least Dream would be. Upsetting Dream might be funny for a few seconds, but it dawned on Techno that he didn’t want to upset his actual teammate that much. Should he just play along on the first day and then reveal the document once everyone else was able to briefly share their opinions?

Techno really, really did not want to join the call.

He took a deep breath. He would just go in and ask everyone if they were recording. Then he would bring up his plans because he had put time into them, but he would be careful not to talk over anyone. It would be awkward, probably, but he could do it.

He had to do it.

Techno joined the call and the next few hours passed in a blur. He concentrated on each individual second as it happened, feeling far too aware of every choice that he made. By the time a new opportunity to make a joke came up, he had already forgotten the previous one that he had told. His teammates’ reactions lost all meaning somewhere between his ears and his brain, but he took note of them regardless, reminding himself which ones were louder and which were quieter.

By the time he had said goodbye to Michael, Burren, and Dream, Techno was completely exhausted. He sat still in his chair, noticing for the first time that his breathing was less steady than it probably should be. He tried to focus on it for a few minutes.

He realized that he barely remembered anything that he had just done. He wasn’t particularly worried about that; it had happened before. He was confident that a few hours later, once he was trying to sleep or something equally important, the events of the night would suddenly be very vivid. He would analyze them whenever that happened.

For now, Techno was pretty sure that he hadn’t completely failed every interaction that he had just had. From what he could remember happening, he thought that he had probably made them laugh a few times. He tried to take comfort in their laughter. It was a good thing, he told himself.

Plus, he now had the vague impression that all of his teammates were nice, and at least tolerated him enough for their dynamic to work. Dream had seemed especially willing to joke around with him, even if he had been a bit oblivious. Techno could tell that the four of them would probably end up working together well, out of necessity if nothing else.

He still didn’t want to get into another call with them anytime soon. Techno was pretty sure that they had scheduled one for tomorrow, because the time had been sent to their groupchat by Dream. That was unfortunate.

Did they know how tonight had gone, for him?

Techno would never ask. He knew that none of their possible answers was good.

He felt very, very alone.

Techno tried not to think about the people who would have been able to tell, instantly, that he was not okay. It was a very short list. On it was his family, of course, and maybe three people outside of that.

Well. Exactly three people.

Any of those three people would have helped.

Wilbur would have made sarcastic comments until one registered enough for Techno to snap out of his trance. Phil would have laughed at every joke that Techno tried to make, even if it wasn’t funny. Tommy would have tried to intimidate whoever was making Techno anxious, and failed so badly that it was impossible for Techno to worry about himself anymore.

All three would have called him afterwards. They probably would have called him ahead of time, too, acting on a hunch that things were about to go wrong.

Techno kept Discord open, just in case someone decided to contact him. Of course, there was no call. There was no way for his friends to be able to know what had happened. They probably thought that he was currently joking around with Dream and completely destroying him at PvP or something, if they even thought about him at all.

They were probably better off without him.

Techno knew that his friends were all extroverts. They loved meeting new people and coming up with jokes in the moment, and Tommy in particular didn’t even seem to care if he embarrassed himself in public. Techno felt like a burden whenever his friends brought him into a call with others. They deserved better than someone who had to be taken care of before and after every social interaction with a new person.

They were all thriving without him, too. Tommy was getting more viewers than ever before, Wilbur had a new house, and Phil had arranged a meeting between every one of Techno’s friends who lived in the EU.

Not getting invited had probably been his fault. Techno knew that it had been too long since he had contacted them. First, there had been the potato war, and then the sleepless nights before the last MCC, and then there had been training for this one. There had been research to do and plans to make, and Techno had never been able to pull himself away from the rare project that he was able to actually focus on.

Once everything had settled down a tiny bit and Techno had the time to interact with other people again, he had noticed the changes in his friends. Wilbur and Phil had stopped contacting him at all, and Tommy was acting differently. He was putting on his character again every time that he messaged.

It made Techno feel sick, but he knew that most of his problems could be traced back to his own behavior.

If his friends wanted to be distant, Techno understood. He could leave them alone.

Instead, he could focus on preparing for MCC. Everyone was expecting him to perform at his best, and it would be easy for them to compare him and Dream on every game. There were always more possibilities for Techno to plan for, and more games for him to practice until he had perfected them. If he wanted to meet peoples’ expectations, he had to keep working in the obsessive way that he had become famous for.

Dream talked about George and Sapnap all the time. Techno couldn’t do the same about Wilbur, Phil, and Tommy. He felt like the worst person in the world.

When he wasn’t on call with Dream, he put on his friends’ streams in the background.

Tommy still messaged him every day. He was always in character now.

Techno figured that he was owed one response, at least, but he couldn’t think of anything to say that would convey everything he was thinking without making Tommy feel guilty. He had never been good at saying things when it counted.

Sometime between practicing parkour and practicing dodgebolt, Techno decided to check Twitter, only to see that Wilbur, Phil, and Tommy were together in person. He was suddenly very aware of how long it had been since he had left his computer for any reasonable length of time.

Without thinking, he made a reply. It was more desperate than he had been wanting to appear, and he regretted posting it the second that people started noticing it.

He hadn’t expected Wilbur, Phil, and Tommy to all respond. He hadn’t expected them to seem to miss him so much.

He had no clue what to do in response, so he went back to practicing for Minecraft Championships. Dream called him once, but Techno didn’t pick up. He wanted time to think.

He couldn’t pay attention to any of his games. After throwing one too many times, Techno closed Minecraft for the first time in a week and got out of his chair to start pacing around his room.

He could have laughed if he didn’t feel a hole growing in his stomach. Everything had been so much easier when he thought that he was doing Wilbur, Phil, and Tommy a favor by leaving them alone.

Techno knew what he had to do. He had put it off for too long.

He had no clue how he would even begin to explain his absence, so Techno spent the rest of the day writing a script. It had explanations and apologies and was far too long. He hated every minute that he spent writing it, but coming up with the same words on the spot would have been worse.

Techno hoped that Wilbur still followed the same schedule that he did months ago. If he did, Phil and Tommy were probably also following it right now.

Techno added the three of them to a call. He sat frozen for a few minutes, trying to keep his breath steady.

He made the call.

Even though he hadn’t given any warning, he didn’t have to wait. Wilbur joined almost instantly.

“Techno?” Wilbur sounded more shocked than Techno had ever heard him.

“Uh, yeah. Hello.”

“Well, this is certainly a surprise. Hang on a second, let me just—”

Techno could hear Wilbur yell at Tommy to _get on fucking call, yes I know you’re busy, you’ll be mad at me if you’re not a part of this_. How had he already forgotten that they were staying in the same house?

“Sorry, Techno, Tommy’ll just be a minute. Phil’s home already, so I can’t say for sure about him, but I’m guessing that he’ll be on soon too.”

“Cool.” Techno played with his script, selecting random text on the page and moving his cursor around. He had completely failed to sound excited, but Wilbur had always been able to tell what he was feeling no matter how monotone his voice was.

“So, why did you call? Any particular reason?”

“Nothing big. I was just missin’ you.”

“What, me specifically? Oh, Technoblade, I am flattered!”

Techno snorted. “Yeah, you specifically. I just added Tommy for the content.”

Tommy chose that exact moment to join. He had always had excellent timing.

“ _Techno?_ You bitch, Wilbur, you didn’t tell me that it was _Techno!_ I would have picked up right away!”

Wilbur laughed. “You know, Tommy, you could have listened to me for five seconds and we wouldn’t be in this position.”

“Or, maybe, you could have just _told me_ —”

Phil joined while Tommy was still talking. Techno sighed and looked at his script again. His ears were ringing.

“Techno? Mate?” There was disbelief in Phil’s voice.

“Yep, it’s me. Hello, Phil.” Techno took a deep breath. He would have to tell them everything, soon, and then things would be serious and far less fun.

“I can’t fucking believe it!” Phil sounded so happy. Techno hadn’t realized how long it had been since he had heard Phil’s laughter on call.

Tommy had stopped talking without Techno noticing. For a few seconds, there was silence. Techno prepared to break it.

Wilbur moved first. “So. What have you been doing without us?” His question could have been bitter, Techno knew, but he didn’t sound upset at all. If anything, he sounded worried.

“Yeah, have you been okay? It’s been a while.” Phil seemed genuinely concerned.

Tommy was quiet, which said more than any words he could have added.

Techno smiled and closed the tab where he had written his script. He didn’t know why he had thought that he would need it. More than anything, he wanted to tell them about how awkward he felt with his new team, and how badly he needed the three of them back. He wanted to tell them about how he had been training in Minecraft without giving himself any breaks, just so that he wouldn’t disappoint anyone at the next Championships. He wanted to tell them about how lost he had felt without them, and how certain he had been that they didn’t feel the same way.

There would be hours, and then weeks, for him to say all of that. More than anything, Techno realized, he just wanted to _be_ with his friends.

“I’m gonna be fine. I’ll tell you about everythin’ later, I promise. First, I have to ask you guys a question.”

“And what would that be?” Wilbur’s voice was light. He could probably already guess what Techno was about to say. The two of them had always shared their sense of humor.

“How did you all pick up so fast? Have you been waitin' for me for two whole months?”

Techno could hear the smile in Wilbur’s voice from across the ocean. “Oh, Technoblade. You’re the one who said that you called just because you missed us. I haven’t ever seen you admit to having that many emotions before!”

Tommy gasped. “Wait, really? He _did?_ When did he do that?”

“While you were busy bein’ late, Wilbur and I had a whole conversation. It was very emotional.”

Phil laughed, and then all of a sudden all four of them were laughing. The conversation moved on. Techno would tell them everything in time, but tonight all that any of them wanted was to mess around until the past two months were a distant memory.

Nobody denied Techno's accusation, and he didn't want them to. They all knew exactly how long they had been waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy ending pog!
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who read and was so supportive, you guys are all amazing <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! This is my first fic and I tried to get all of the technical things right, but please let me know if I didn't. I hope that reading was at least a somewhat enjoyable experience!


End file.
